Our Rily Sily Family: June 2010

Maybe when you hear the term "Woman Power" you think of liberals pushing for voting rights, abortion and birth control, better careers and freedom from the slavery of the home. That is not what I think of. I think of the natural God-given ability of women to have special types of power in their lives, marriage and relationships. People have choices to make each day. Each choice you give power to in some way that will either impact you (or your relationship/situation) negatively or positively. You can also make choices that give you more power or that take power out of your hands.

After reading Dr. Laura's book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and listening to her radio program here and there for a few years - I've come to appreciate much of the wisdom she has regarding the power (or influence and affect) a woman can have in her man's life. This is not a controlling, "I rule over you" type power. It's a balancing power - to keep things running smoothly in marriage/relationships. I wonder why, in all the other books on marriage I had read - nobody had bothered to teach me such basic simple things about men, how they think and react within marriage and what my role was that would affect my marriage positively.

I read the Bible in it's simplicity, "Love one another", "wives submit unto your husbands as unto the Lord", "husbands and wives submit unto each other". But I feel there is a need for older married women to pass on wisdom to their daughters/younger women about MEN and HOW to love and respect them - especially within marriage. I read a chapter in "Let Me Be A Woman" by Elizabeth Elliot (a must read!) "You are marrying a MAN" wherein she discussed the fact that a husband is not your girlfriend and you should not expect him to be as such. You should expect him to be what he was created to be.... a MAN. I only wish so much more of her book would have been devoted to the subject!

I think our culture has tried so hard to feminize men that when men act like they naturally are - they are put down, called insensitive, rejected, nagged, given the cold shoulder and then men react accordingly and marriages fall apart. So much struggle within marriage could be avoided if women just understood and accepted what men are supposed to be like - and ran with it! Here's where the power comes in. If you know your man is acting like a man and you in turn use your power as a woman and ACT like a woman - it is amazing how suddenly an "insensitive, jerky, mean" man will react when he feels that his woman is HIS... WOMAN.

Often we (women) don't even realize the attitude we have towards our husband. We don't see the fault in how we are acting and reacting to him. I have to say that, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" was one of the most convicting books I ever listened to (on CD) or read! With example after example I heard myself, my words, my attitude repeated. Then Dr. Laura would explain what change was needed and give GOOD examples - good reactions in similar situations. Not only did I hear what I was doing wrong but was shown how to apply "good" woman power to my marriage. Suddenly I realized that I HAD POWER to change things in my marriage! I could change the mood of my husband by being encouraging, loving and sweet. I could react to things differently than I had been. I could get off his case about silly meaningless things. I could resolve myself to never act like I'm his mother and never act like a whiny wimpy little kid - instead a strong adult, capable but yet sweet. The point was that the ball was in MY court! The whole time I had the ball and I was waiting for someone else to throw it so that my marriage would be better! What a silly woman I was! The whole time I had it - the power that God has given women to make their man feel at home, loved, respected and appreciated. Not only that but I had NO CLUE the difference it makes when your man is fulfilled in such ways! I had no idea what I was missing out on!

To sum up this longer than usual blog post - ladies - even if your marriage is doing well (as I thought mine was great) - there is so much to learn about the proper care and feeding of husbands. I highly recommend the book. I think the divorce rate would plummet if women were required to read it before their wedding day - and maybe once in awhile afterward!