The girls we left behind

I've been waiting for a date and time to write a post about these two little girls that we met when we were adopting Zephaniah. And even though I have, like, NO time I can't stand it any longer and I have to share about them. As many of you know we had accepted a referral for Anastasia but then we learned about more medical issues that Zeph was having and plain ol' reality just hit us when we met these two precious little children. We wanted them both. But we did not know how on Earth we would be able to carry three children plus our little end straggler (our 3 year old). We did not know what it would be like to adjust to so many very young ones. We did not think we would be able to care for the needs of both children. Zeph is going to require some surgeries here, nearby our home and other therapy and such appointments. Anastasia would need very special care - there is a particular doctor in Phily that she really NEEDS to see, who has helped many children like her be able to have more use of their arms and legs. We just knew we could not leave Zeph or Evie and fly several times to Philadelphia. I'd like to add a note here that flying to Phily is NOT required or even necessary - I have since heard there are some great doctors where we are in CA and other places as well - that is not the only reason we chose not to adopt her. If we were not adopting Zeph at that time - if it was just her - we would have taken her in a heartbeat. I'd fly around the world and back for this girl! But we do have to think about all the children in our home and we have to be honest about what we can handle between the two of us. In so much adjustment, in a foreign land, with sleep deprivation - we had to make the hardest decision to allow her to remain available - at the risk of either getting a family who can devote the energy and time for her care - or to see her transferred to a mental institution where she does NOT belong! Ripped my heart to pieces!! We took a chance accepting her referral but meeting both children - made them "real" - these are little people's lives here! She was so weak (lack of stimulation, she lays down most likely all day). I don't know if she'll become strong just from a family like ours with lots of kids - just from "average" play time or if she will need, much more than that (more time devoted just to her alone). We felt we couldn't devote the later. Maybe we could have (hind-sight) - we have to live with that - we had to let go of her so someone else can bring her home. We are praying for a family who feels ready to care for her - whatever she may or may not need. She may surprise her family and be strong before you know it! We know the patience and time will pay-off - just look at her - she is shy and sweet but I just wonder, I just wonder what it would have been like to hear her laugh! We had so much faith through this adoption - pressing through even when it seemed doors were shut. But when we were face to face with this precious angel we were not only stricken with fear of the unknown - we were feeling overwhelmed with both joy and sorrow and our faith was shaken. Should we have pressed on anyways through our fears and taken her anyways? I don't know. I still wonder all the time if we could have made it work, if we could have got her out of there! I feel so human and so finite. I know God has a plan for us and for this little girl. Maybe we were just supposed to meet her so her forever family can find her! Maybe they have no kids and she'll be their first. Maybe they have a bunch of littles like we do but feel strongly that they can handle it and make it work in their particular family. I hope and I pray they will find her, whoever they are - are you her family? Do you know her family? Where is Annie's family???

There is another little girl we met while we were there. I heard her called by another name (probably her birth name) at the orphanage but Reece's Rainbow has listed her as "Tamara". We actually wanted to adopt this little girl too. We felt confident we could handle her special needs along side Zeph's. She is completely mobile. She is smart. She not only talks - she can sing and dance and she can recite lines in a play. We SAW her do this! She was smiling a lot. She was all dolled up for her little play. Then we got a real treat and saw her playing on the playground with her groupa! She kept looking at us and coming up to us and smiling and was very inquisitive. I had read about her condition possibly causing hearing problems - she seemed very much like she could hear as she responded to sound quite well! She was playing in the dirt. We had been told her special need was not on the "list" (new law kids under 5 not available unless the special need is specifically listed on a list). We had specifically asked for ANY other children that our home study approved us for and were told Annie was the only one available. Even after we told them we felt we could not care for Annie as we felt she needed - we asked them to check again for a child who was mobile or near mobile (like Zeph, surgery can be done locally). They said there was NO other children available meeting that criteria. So I was elated today to see that Tamara has been put back up on the RR site and I emailed them and they are not sure why she was apparently un-available while we were there. It is possible that she was not cleared yet for adoption (they have to be up for adoption for 1 year in their country before being available for international adoption). We don't know that answer. We don't know why she also is not part of our family now. I know God knows. I wish I knew. This little girl WILL be transferred soon - possibly to a MENTAL INSTITUTION - she does NOT belong there!!! This little girl looks different. Maybe she has some delays (orphanage life). But she is sweet as pie and to have her as a daughter would be such a blessing! Are you her mother? Her father? Where is her family? Have you met them? Just the shortest time in a mental institution can be so, so damaging to a little child. She needs a family NOW before transfer! If my hubby could get more family leave time (0ff work) and if her fund covered the travel and facilitation fees we'd go get her NOW! I am not kidding here. If her family hasn't found her by the time my husband gets more time available I will be praying for her fund to grow. We are hanging on in hopes that the IRS will not delay our adoption tax credit so we can pay off at least part of the huge loan we had to take out to complete Zeph's adoption. There is just NO WAY we could pay out of pocket or even take out another loan to pay for more adoption expenses. It wouldn't make sense to bring home two kids and then not be too broke to care for them. If that barrier was removed that little girl would have us coming asap! And we're probably not the only ones. If that barrier was removed there are probably other families who would LOVE to adopt either or both of these little girls!! See below the link to a picture and information about Tamara:

http://reecesrainbow.org/12283/tamara-4